Monday September 18th, 2006
Blast From the Past
So among the things that happened while I was off in the real world
one of the more significant was that I had a girlfriend. We
broke up a long time ago and stopped having sex some time well before
that. (And yet for some reason we broke up?) Normally
I'd put the past behind me but she happens to be the best friend of
my best friends fiance so she's around quite a bit. Along those
lines I got a call from her today which was the first non-incidental
contact I've had with her in about two months. The call was
about the wedding.
Dan has been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember.
When he first met Carol I was happy for him because, well he was getting
laid. After a while they actually got to know each other and
it turns out they really like each other. Having few other friends
I quickly became the third wheel, that is until a fourth wheel was
added in the form of Carol's roommate/best friend.
Now I can't use her real name because she knows about this site and
if she gets wind that it's back up she's the kind of person who would
threaten to sue me. (Yes our relationship was that good.)
In order to legally protect myself I will use a fake name for any
and all references to my ex. But what name to use? Let
me see, when I first met her I thought she was a beautiful, innocent,
nice, sweet, caring, southern belle who could be my best friend as
well as fun in the sack. Now I look at her as a trashy, brain
dead whore who has since dated assholes a thousand times worse than
me, but what name should I use instead of her real... wait I got it.
So I got a call earlier today from my ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears.
For some reason I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone.
I thought to myself, “Oops I did it again.” I swear sometimes
she drives me crazy although I was kind of hoping she’d say,
“Hit me baby one more time.” OK enough with that.
It turns out my ex-girlfriend Britney Spears called me to remind me
that I said I was going to go with her to Dan and Carol's wedding.
You see two months ago I was a pathetic, lonely, desperate loser,
much like I am now. I was so lonely in fact, that I would have preferred
to be miserable with her than be alone. I was trying to get her back,
and at that time we got our wedding invitations and I asked her if
she wanted to go as my date. I figured we were both going, both single,
and we’ve dated before so it wouldn’t be that weird. We
were on speaking terms for about another week before we were both
reminded why we don’t speak to each other any more.
Over the last two months I’ve had time to reflect. I realized that me and Britney Spears were just never meant to be. That and I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone with porn than be with her. Maybe some day we’ll have a healthy friendship, but for now I just associate too much crap with Britney Spears.
Still I was getting ready to go to my best friends wedding and the last thing I want to do is make things uncomfortable for him or his bride to be by being an ass. I’m the grooms best friend, Britney Spears is the brides best friend, I can be civil for one more day. I told Britney Spears I’d still go with her. We talked it over and made our plans although by the end of the conversation it was obvious neither of us was thinking this would be the beginning of anything new.
