Thursday October 5th, 2006
Tubby’s last meal
A double double animal style, fries, also animal style, and a chocolate shake. My east coast friends would be jealous since there are no In and Out’s there but I wonder how jealous they’d be if they knew the feeling I had after finishing this tremendous meal. I did the only thing one can do after a meal like this; I sat on my couch and thought about how fat I was. Two years ago if my friends were going to In and Out I would grab something from the near by subway and meet them outside to eat or simply wait until I got home to eat. Of course that version of me was also about 25 pounds lighter.
Here’s something some thin people don’t realize about my rotund brethren, we all know we’re fat, and we want to be thin. It’s hard to see this when we make up excuses to eat more in front of you. “I skipped breakfast” (If by skipped you mean only had a hot pocket and Doritos) “I’m on the _____ diet and this is my one bad meal.” (Yea I’m really on the liar’s diet. I get to eat what ever I want, and stay fat forever!) I’ve made up the excuses before but the truth is, like all fat people I want to be thin. As a cruel twist of fate fat peoples resolve is its weakest when we’re hungry, and its strongest right after a crappy meal.
When you sit down with your family to Thanksgiving dinner you may look at that large uncle of yours as he stuffs his face and sits on the couch doing nothing for the next two hours. What you don’t realize is that in his mind he’s doing jumping jacks. In his head he’s making promises about how much he’s going to eat and how much he’s going to exercise. All fat people do this after an unusually large meal, just as I am doing now.
I don’t want to be fat. (I also don’t want to be going bald but I have to pick my battles.) With the internet as my witness I’m going to try harder. I’m going to cut down on the crappy food, start exercising again, and try to improve my life in general. This site helped me once with dozens of e-mails containing everything from “Hang in there, you can do it.” To “Get your harpoon scarred fat porky white ass to the gym you useless fat fuck.” I’m not sure what will eventually happen but one thing is certain… I’ll have this post thrown in my face a dozen times before I’m done.
