Tuesday May 13th, 2003
Fun at the Gym
I felt slightly out of place among the spandex trophy wives and
Schwarzenegger clones. Unfortunately this is where I need to be if
I hoped to free myself of this bloated prison I call a body. This
wasn't my first trip to the gym yet with every visit I still feel
like a tourist. As I approached the light weights (which I use because
I'm a wimp) I caught a glimpse of a very attractive woman reflected
in a full length mirror. She was approached by an ox with biceps so
big he couldn't wipe his own ass asking her if she's using a fifty
pound hand weight that happens to be next to her. She maybe weighed
a hundred pounds herself so I assumed captain obvious was hitting
on her. Smiling, she politely said no and he took the weight and walked
away. Seeing that I witnessed the whole thing she smiled even wider.
I walked up to her and asked in a sarcastic tone if she was using
the two hundred pound weight behind her and she laughed. I introduced
myself and we talked while doing our weight sets.
Now I was on point. Regularly I will talk to someone and just not know what to say or where limits are. It's not that abnormal for me to say something that is perfectly all right to everyone in the world except the person I'm talking to. Like I make a joke about airline food and find out her dad was a pilot who died in a crash last week. Not this time though. I was flawless. We kept talking until I couldn't move my arms anymore.
When I came out of the locker room she was standing up by the desk, maybe even waiting for me. She said she was parked on the first floor of the parking garage so I said I was too and I'd walk her to her car. (I don't even park in the garage) Near her car was the big muscle guy from before getting into a brand new BMW convertible. He revved his engine and sped off in front of us. Now this is where I messed up.
After he speeds away we're both smiling looking at him take off like a jackass. My exact words were, "Man I'm glad I don't have a small dick because I could never afford a car like that." She got this look on her face like I just put her puppy in a microwave. Looking back on it I could have probably said something less offensive like, "Man that guy could probably fuck a Cherio without breaking it. I'm an asshole, do you want to screw me?" Sorry I can't stop joking. Maybe I was out of line; maybe she's a tight ass. I'll let you decide. Needless to say the gym continues to not be my favorite place.Related articles:
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