Not too long ago one of my best friends Dan got engaged to be married. Yes I was losing a wing man but gaining a really hot chick I wasn’t allowed to think of naked. That aside I’ll jump to the important part, the bachelor party. So Dan finds the woman of his dreams and he’s happier with her than normal people should be without narcotics. He’s so happy and so eager to make his fiancé happy that he denied his friends the pleasure of strippers at his bachelor party. (As such it was the group consensus that Dan was a pussy so we all brought something pink to put on Dan, I brought the “Pretty Princess” pink tiara.)
While sitting at Dan’s bachelor party I was reminded I’ve known him for a long time but we generally have different friends. Other than me and Dan’s brother most of the guys there were friends from Dan’s bouncer days and as the alcohol and testosterone flowed at uneven rates it looked like a back yard wrestling match or horrible you tube video could break out at any moment. Among the extras from 300, one gentleman in particular stood out. I don’t remember his name but given his long blonde pony tail I’ll just call him Thor.
Two hours into the party and Thor was taking back whisky shots like I was taking down the Girl Scout cookies someone left unprotected. Around this time he wanted to leave to see a girl he was dating and everyone but his buddy Jack Daniels disagreed. Keep in mind this is a party of bouncers, so when I say no one wanted to mess with him it should give you some indication as to his size and demeanor. One of the guys knew the girl he was dating and called her to pick him up.
While all this was going on I had a few drinks myself and started making fun of Dan at which point Dan blurted out my darkest secret about this website. Since my site has lay dormant for a few years now I was unphased and continued predicting his married timeline from when he buys the minivan to when the sex stops. As the festivities continued we did what any group of guys without a stripper at a bachelor party would do, we drank and played poker. I made a bad bet and was the second person out; the first was Thor. Feeling a need to talk to me I’m not sure if he was trying to instigate a fight or was trying to be helpful. Our conversation basically revolved around how much of a loser I was and how cool he was. This continued until I heard a feminine voice, “Where’s the dipshit?”
Marie as I’d come to know her looks like the type of bad ass hot chick you’d expect to see starting a bar fight in a Vin Diesel movie just before hotwiring a convertible and taking off into the sunset. Despite Thor’s size I couldn’t help myself from checking Marie out. (Keep in mind I’m mostly drunk and at a bachelor party) I just hoped Thor didn’t notice and send me to Valhalla. Seeing Marie not only made Thor happy but delusional as suddenly I found that I was his best friend and he wants to help me out. Given Marie’s appearance I was surprised to find out she is not only a web designer, but teaches web design. (When she’s not a cinematographer or drummer in a goth band.)
The secret of my site revealed, I proceeded to tell Marie how I had the site and lost it because I used all fake info when I started it in 2003. Fake name, fake address, fake phone number, I wanted to remain the anonymous fat balding loser afraid to approach women. The problem was my computer died, I lost all the info, and I was receiving free hosting from a gentleman in England who I didn’t know how to contact. Marie heard all this and confidently said, “I can get your site back.” Now she was hot and talking to me, two things that go together about as well as peanut butter and motor oil. I’ve had two web designers and a freakin’ webmaster try to get my site back and no one could. To this she responded, “Their not me. I’m fuckin’ bad ass.”
It took her less than a week. Bad ass indeed. Finally my computer would be used for more than World of Warcraft and Suicide Girls, I’m back!
