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Welcome to (my) Zero Sex Life.com

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I am a complete and utter pathetic loser. I am twenty-four years old, short, pudgy, balding, poor and have nearly nothing to offer a member of the opposite sex. During my life I have met precious few women charitable enough to sleep with my ugly bloated carcass. Both the quality and the quantity of these women have been, shall I say, severely lacking.

I am just a poor unattractive guy looking for a little help. A little cash to pay a cover or supersize a new ladies meal. As much as I love spending a Friday night with Taco Bell and Grand Theft Auto, I'd rather be having sex (1).

This is where you come in. I'm looking for some help to revive my comatose sex life. Maybe if I had some nice new clothes and some cash to take a woman out to Sizzler I could achieve my life long goal, to actually have sex with someone attractive. I'm getting a little weepy.

Now here is what little I am able to offer in return for your generosity other than the satisfaction of knowing you've made the world a better place. I am keeping a journal of all progress I make. This will be filled with detailed accounts of all my successes and all my failures. Everything I do will be chronicled for you to read. Every girl I hit on, every drink thrown in my face, every night I go out. Updated several times a week. When possible I will also have photos (dear god I hope to get some photos) to put a face to the story. If everyone who read this donated just one dollar I could be flying off to the fleshpots of Bangkok.

That's just one dollar, hell I spent eight bucks to see The Scorpion King (2).

I'm only asking people to give me a few bucks if they enjoyed my site. It's your option to pay or not. I'd rather run the site on dollars sent in by people who enjoy reading it than by using annoying banner ads, pop ups, and junk e-mail.

(1) This is of course in reference to Grand Theft Auto Vice City. Not to be confused with Grand Theft Auto 3 which was in fact, better than sex.

(2) Not to compare my site to "The Scorpion King." Although both are badly done and poorly written, it at least had a hot Asian chick in it. (3)

(3) I have a thing for Asian women. (4)

(4) I don't exclusively like asian women. I like every color of the rainbow. Stop sending me photos from fecal Japan.