Sunday February 16th, 2003
So this is what I've been reduced to
I sat staring at an empty bottle in front of me and than back into my hand at the photo. It wasn't actually a photo but a fuzzy computer printed image of the walking screen name I was about to meet for the first time, at of all places, a TGIFridays. From the off key singing behind me and multi colored light created by the balloons I could tell it was someone's birthday. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Maybe if I was more out going in high school or joined a fraternity in college I wouldn't be sitting on an uncomfortable bar stool taking in the lingering aroma of Jack Daniel's and refried beans waiting for this "Darla."
Six weeks ago facing the one year anniversary of the last time I touched a girl I, out of both desperation and a momentary lapse of judgment, put down my $19.95 and jumped into the internet dating scene. Let this be a lesson to everyone reading; never try an Internet dating site. For those of you who don't listen to my warning here is a little advice. If she looks like a model, it's a porn site trying to get you to check out a page so they can send you enough junk e-mail to sink a battle ship. If she doesn't look half-bad, it's an old photo before the accident or the Ding Dongs reduced her life to meeting tubby computer geeks with no social skills over the internet.
Their thinking is the same as yours, "I'll rope them in to liking the real me, than when he/she sees my grotesque Jaba the Hut exterior it won't matter because they love the real me."
Truth is you don't want someone like that any more than they want you. You'll have to forgive me; currently I'm a unique combination of bitter, drunk, and lonely. I'm also getting ahead of myself.
A woman who looks lost is walking toward me. She looks like she could be the shorter fatter sister of the slightly less than average looking woman I am waiting for.
"Are you Mike?" Oh shit, it's not the sister.
"Darla?" She smiles but I can tell she's disappointed. She undoubtedly went through dozens of pictures to find the one that made her look a little closer to human than the oily husk she parades around in, as did I. After two appetizers and a few drinks she goes to, "Powder her nose" and never returns. Someone Kill me.
