Frequently asked questions
This has to be a joke. Tell me this is a joke.
I assure you that my site is very real. I am a pathetic loser begging strangers on the internet for sex or cash to help me get sex.
No really this can’t be real, no one would degrade themselves like this.
I am only willing to degrade myself like this because I am desperate and out of options. I am overweight, balding, poor, desperate, lonely, and all that aside I’m still not all that attractive.
Why don’t you post any pictures of your face on the site?
Did you read any of the responses to my previous questions? In addition to being a complete loser I started a web site that begs for sex! Would you show your face? I think I might have just started a new class of loser.
Why should I send you my money?
Have you ever broken out in a cold sweat because your girlfriend said she wants to try being on top and you’re afraid she’ll break both your legs? Even my friends can’t help but laugh at me. When we go to a bar they point out hot chix to each other. Every time a really big chick walks in I just wait to see who will say it. “Go for it Mike she looks like she’s your type.” Yea really funny, I’ve been hearing that fucking joke for four years now. If everyone who read this sent a dollar I could rent a Lamborghini for a night, buy some nice cloths and try to pick up a model at the Viper Room. Point is right now I barely make rent. I’ve done everything in my power to get a woman on my own with my own resources and without your help I may spend the next twenty years celibate.
What do I get out of this?
Entertainment, and the warmth in your heart for making some poor pathetic losers dream come true. I am chronicling the most intimate details of my personal life for you so you will be right there next to me to witness all my success and failures. I will keep detailed journal entries, post photos, (that I get consent to post), and do everything in my power to keep this site funny and interesting for you the viewer.
If you don't feel like sending me any cash just because I'm a pathetic loser than how about for the entertainment you get from reading this. I hope to update the journal at least twice a week and other pages at least once a month. (As often as once a day if I get enough content) If you're like most of my friends you spend most of your day at work looking for websites interesting enough to keep your attention for a little while as you wait for the day to end. If this site does that for you drop me a buck or two. Not only that but the donations move this little story of mine along. I need cash, to pay for the cover, to hit on the blonde chick, to get the drink thrown in my face, to write my four page insane rant and post the photos for you to enjoy.
Why don’t you just get a hooker?
There is nothing in this world scarier to a 24 year-old male than babies and disease. Except possibly flying zombie aids babies on fire, but that’s a little unrealistic.
Among my lesser qualities (of which there are many) is the fact that I am disease phobic. Not germ phobic, I’m not some freak who has to wash his hands ten times a day. I just have a fear of disease. I would never feel comfortable having sex with a prostitute.
If you got some real cash donated what would you do with it?
Whether I got five dollars or five hundred dollars I would try the same thing on a different scale. Five bucks would pay half the cover at a crappy bar, or buy a beer. If I had five hundred dollars I would be able to buy some new threads, rent a Porsche, and go to a posh high class L.A. night club and try to take a budding actress or model back to her place.
What makes you think that you'd be any more successful with the ladies if you had more money?
Because I live in L.A. The hottest women in the world flock here to turn down guys like me a dozen at a time. They don't care if you are nice, funny, or have whatever other bullshit characteristic women say they want. Friends of mine, (More attractive than myself and having more money) have been rejected once it's made clear they don't have a lot of cash. One friend of mine actually hit on a girl and the first thing she said was "What kind of car do you drive?" I've lived in several cities and states and this is the most materialistic place on earth.
I think any guy, even one as unappealing as myself could get a super model if they appeared to have some major cash. If I got $1000 I could get one really good looking outfit and rent a Lamborghini which may be enough to get me playboy bunny. The only way I would ever get a really hot chick is if she thought I could advance her career or thought I was rich. I could pretend to be both for a night or two if I had the right funds.
How do I know how you will use the money?
I will keep a detailed log of all money collected and spent. If I purchase some clothes or pay a cover or two it will be in the journal as well as on the progress log.
I noticed you have three types of donations. I understand the asking for sex and asking for money buy what exactly is the third one?
The third one is just for anything people want to send me that they think might help me out. So far I've gotten stuff like a TGIFriday gift certificate, a Barry White cd, a six pack of "Wild Jake" microbrew, and porn. All of which is appreciated. There is a complete list of what people have sent me listed under donations received to date listed on the progress log page.
I think the idea for this site is awsome! I'm a huge nerd myself and I can't get chicks either, if you get any chicks can you hook me up?
Hopefully. If I get a major response I hope to be able to get nerds and geeks around the world laid by attractive angels of charity. I hope to be known as the Ghandi of poonani.
Where do you live?
I live in L.A. If a chick in Boston offers me sex I might refer her to a nerd in her area (with both peoples' permission first of course) since I most likely won't be in Boston any time soon. If you want more info check out the charity cases.
Why is the photo for this page a stove?
Yeah, I don't know. The guy who designed the site assured me that 'it was cool looking'. Must be a design thing.
Why the hell would you eat brownies sent to you by a stranger?
Yes, I was an idiot to eat the brownies but look at it for a moment from my point of veiw. I have a hand written (extremely feminine) letter that smells slightly of perfume telling me the story about a girl who had really bad acne in highschool and who can relate to my story. She is poor as well and can't donate any money but wanted to do something nice for me, so she made me some brownies.
Why would I immediatly think anyone would want to poison me? I haven't done anything wrong to anyone. Who would get so worked up about my site as to send me chocolate ExLax? And I couldn't taste it! I had a brownie, it tasted good. I had another, still good. I think I had four total before I started to feel sick. They were small though, I'm not that much of a pig.
The next thing I know I'm giving birth to the antichrist.
Will you take the site down if you actually do have sex with an attractive woman?
I will no longer use the site for the sole purpose of getting me sex. I will concentrate on getting charity cases and helping others around the country and around the world get laid.
Right now there is a guy in a basement playing dungeons and dragons who would come up with a cure for cancer in twenty years but instead he blows his brains out in two years due to a combination of low self esteem and sexual frustration. These are my silent brothers around the world and I wish to empower them for the betterment of all mankind. If any girls offer me sex I won't exactly turn it down.
Why don't you go on "Queer eye for the straight guy" or another T.V. show?
I don't want to reveal my identity. I have only gone on one T.V. show and that was only because they allowed me to conceal my identity and do the interview over a webcam. (Unscrewed with Martin Seargent) I have been contacted by other television shows but am not willing to compromise. I would prefer my family, friends, and co-workers not know about this site, not to mentioned the fact that if I have to choose between being famous for being "that guy who can't get laid" or be completely unknown, I'd rather be unknown.
Why don't you do radio or magazines?
I do! I've been on a few radio programs and in a few magazines. (I was even mentioned on the cover of BPM and wrote a article about my site that was published in the August issue.) Contact your local radio program or favorite magazine if you'd like to hear me near you.
