Thursday December 25th, 2003
Christmas Coma
As I wiped the blood from my chin I realized that in the hands of a 2 year old Buzz Lightyear is a deadly weapon. I’m the oldest child on my Dad’s side of the family with cousins ranging from 2 months to 19 years old. It’s not until Christmas that I realize I don’t really have contact with anyone under the age of 21, except at family functions. “Are you a kid or an adult?” Turning my attention to the intellectual conversation of a 4 year old girl and her 19 year old cousin I wondered how many conversations like this I’ve missed. “What do you mean?” Stephanie reached up and touched Jeff’s beard. “You have hair on your face but you still go to school, so are you a kid or an adult?” My brother jumped in the conversation before Jeff had time to respond, “He’s somewhere in between. Come on everybody dinner’s ready.” Although I’m sure Scott only refrained from calling me a pig fucker because children were present I still felt the Christmas spirit.
Most people look forward to Christmas because of presents. I look forward to Christmas for the amazing food my Aunt Barb makes each year. She starts preparing some dishes two days in advance and every year she’s still running around right up until dinner. While eating I listen to how the Catholic school might have to go public and another great uncle I haven’t seen since I sat at the kiddy table has passed away. This is occasionally broken up by my 8 year old cousin asking me questions about Hollywood and how often I hang out with Mel Gibson.
After shoveling enough food in my mouth to bend the laws of physics the topic turned to my weight loss. It felt like the last few days have been a montage of people telling me how great I look or how I seem more confident. I understand why models and actors get such large egos. Granted that’s just the view of a really fat guy who slimmed down to a kinda fat guy, but the comparison stands. It’s an odd feeling to be stuffing away your third piece of cheesecake and talking about how you’ve lost weight.
After dinner we moved to the living room so parents could grab stray children before an up hill battle against sugar and caffeine. If not for the flashing lights and loud sirens someone might have accidentally stepped on one of the new razor sharp toys hidden beneath a canopy of wrapping paper and ribbon. I was unsure as to whether my impending coma was due to the excessive amount of food or tiring myself out as a human jungle gym. Either way I looked forward to the floral patterned bedroom that awaited me at home.
